woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
