I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
