i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
