Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
