phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
