the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
