Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
