Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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