Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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