I intend to get homeless drunk
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
