she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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