Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize