I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
