this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
