AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
