What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
