Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize