So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
