I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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