I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
