god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
