I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
