Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
