Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
