i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
