The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
