I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize