You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
