Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
