some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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