Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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