Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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