i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
