last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
