stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
