Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize