So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
