please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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