i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
