the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
