Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize