Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
