If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize