ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
