I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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