I have demons in me.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I am naked and annoyed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
