wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
