Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
