My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
