New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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