Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
