is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
