The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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