Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
