Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
