The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize