so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
