I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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