Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
