From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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