i wish my penis had a tongue
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
