ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
