How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
