hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
pray to the hookup gods
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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