You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
