What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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