I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
