so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
