Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
