i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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