At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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