Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
