As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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