its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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