meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize