what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
