how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
