I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
