ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize