my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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