I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
