capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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