Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
