Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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