it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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