nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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