you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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