I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
