God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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