summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this boner is exhausting
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize