Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
