Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
