her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
