Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
