How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize