My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
