help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
