I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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