is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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