doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize