my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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