happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
