He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize