I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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