broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
