Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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