I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
