well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
