If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
