i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
