If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
